Hope and Peace Amidst Heartache

In March of this year, we were approved to adopt again through a private social worker. I felt like I had been driven to get approved as quickly as possible and knew our baby was out there somewhere, possibly already conceived. We didn't announce this to anyone except our immediate family and I was vain enough to think that we would get matched quickly and bring home a baby and then surprise everyone.

Well, my plan almost worked. In April we were matched with a wonderful birth mother who was due with a boy Aug 30. It was perfect! We only waited one month to get matched and our two boys would be 18 months apart, just as I was hoping. We talked to our birth mother on the phone several times and got really close. She knew adoption was right for her baby and really liked us. She relocated to Kansas for the rest of her pregnancy so we got the church involved there so her 8 year old daughter could be involved with activity days. The primary president told the missionaries about her and they visited her a few times.Our b-mom was not interested in learning about our church and although we explained what we believed when she asked, we told her to tell the missionaries she was not interested and to leave her alone.

We were matched for three months when, on August 5, we were on our way to Wyoming for our stake trek. We had recently told our stake leaders about our situation because she could have gone into labor while we were gone so there had to be contingency plans made. We had been asked to be "Ma" and "Pa" for a trek family of 10 kids 14-18 years old. I had not even wanted to go on trek originally, because the dates were too close to her due date and I didn't want to leave Jacoby for a week a second time this summer.

I am so glad we agreed to go. On the way to Wyoming, we got a phone call from our case worker, who informed us that our birth mother wanted to choose another family to adopt her family who was not LDS. The case worker (who happens to be also LDS) tried to talk her out of changing her mind, but this b-mom was really botherered about some things the missionaries had told her about our church. To say the least, we were devastated. We had two teenage boys and another couple in our car with us, so we sat there and cried silent tears through the rest of the drive. It was just too good to be true how perfectly everything was working out, so I almost expected something like this to happen. Fortunately instead of having time to get bitter, we were on our way to a week-long spiritual experience. We got to be around amazing kids and leaders and learn about the sacrifices and suffering the pioneers from the Martin and Willie handcart companies experienced crossing the plains to avoid persecution for this same religion. THERE IS NO PLACE WE WOULD HAVE RATHER BEEN LAST WEEK. It was an amazing experience and we received so much peace and understanding during what could have been an awful time for us. I firmly believe that Heavenly Father knew what was going to happen and he made sure we were on this trek.

So now I am no longer trying to be secretive to the fact that we are adopting again and we can use all the help we can get. We are open to other races and the baby boy we were planning on for 3 months was afro-American. We know that the baby meant for our family will be a miracle situation just like our first adoption. Jacoby's birth mother is also sad for us and is praying for another baby for us as well. Even now that we are home and see the baby clothes and bottles that I have recently washed and sat out, I amazingly feel at peace. I am so grateful for the love of my Savior and Heavenly Father, who give such tender mercies to all of us in times of trial.